There are many excuses employees use at work when they’re late, want to go home early, or simply use to get out of a sticky situation. So here are the top forty five excuses you might expect to hear or say around the workplace.

• My [insert family member’s name here] died.
• My [insert another family member’s name here too] also passed away.
• There was massive traffic jam this morning on my way over here.
• There was a horrible car accident on my way over here.
• I was in a car accident on my way over here.
• My car is in the shop.
• The bus was late.
• The bus was late again, sorry.
• I got a ticket on my way over here.
• I got a flat tire on my way over here.
• I got lost on my way over here.
• I ran out of gas on the way over here.
• I couldn’t find parking.
• I couldn’t find my car keys this morning.
• I lost my wallet this morning and couldn’t leave without it.
• I was mugged coming into work today.
• I have an appointment with my [insert medical physician here]
• Now I have a Doctor’s note to leave early and/or requires me to do less work around here.
• I feel ill and should go home early today.
• I have the [insert strange disease name here] and won’t be able to come in to work for a couple of days.
• I need to go home early, I still don’t feel 100% just yet.
• Sorry I’m late, I’m in the middle of moving into my new place.
• Sorry I’m late, but the good news is that I finished moving into my new place.
• Sorry I’m late, but the power went out last night.
• I went home for lunch and was stuck in traffic on my way back.
• I got food poisoning and won’t be able to come in.
• What?.. I didn’t know I couldn’t do that. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.
• Okay, I knew I couldn’t do that but give me one more chance, it won’t happen again.
• I didn’t come into work because I traded shifts with [insert poor bastards name here].
• I didn’t do it, it was [insert poor bastards name here again] that did that.
• [Insert poor bastards name here yet again] told me it was okay to do that.
• I was helping out [insert poor bastards name here and get him fired once and for all] and that’s why you couldn’t find me.
• I was in the restroom, that’s why you couldn’t find me. No not that restroom, the one on the 2nd floor.
• I was on my [insert type of break here] break.
• I don’t recall that being one of the required skills to work here!? I don’t know how to [insert required task here]. I need to take the 7 day training seminar or watch the 7 hours of training videos again, while you do it.
• I forgot.
• I forgot again, sorry.
• I never got the memo, and [insert poor bastards name that doesn’t work here anymore] didn’t tell me about it.
• Sorry about that, but I was running some errands for Mr. [insert an executives name here that they will never meet to confirm] all day long.
• What!? Why are you calling me on my day off to come in again?.. (Static noise followed by a click, indicating the call was dropped.)
• I really didn’t have any clean clothes to come to work with, this is all I had to wear.
• I just suffered a mild [insert medical condition here], I should be back at work in no time.
• This may sound like a lame excuse, but my dog really ate my work. No really, you have to believe me.
• I have no excuse for being late, I was honestly just too drunk to wake up.

Hope you’ve enjoyed yourself a nice laugh and feel free to add your own excuses that you have used at work in the comments for everyone to read.